Loving Our Selfies- Life (or lack there of) after baby

"Life imitates art", isn't that what they say? If that's true, then my life is imitating a Picasso; pieces all over the place, looking like a hot mess and colors splattered everywhere. But, when you step back, there is beauty in the chaos.(Photo by Lindsay Wilkinson Photography...and this is NOT what we look like on a daily basis...see the link at the end for what I truly look like ;) )After a rough pregnancy, nine hours of labor even with a scheduled c-section in December (now THAT'S a story, but one for another time), the baby in the NICU, then two hospital stays with RSV in his first two weeks of life, one thinks, "ok, it HAS to get better from here, riiiiiiiiight?" Nope. It doesn't. On comes the wicked acid reflux, sending my baby boy into near constant screaming for weeks on end and me into a sea of despair. That, folks, is where I finally snapped. I lost myself. I was so deep down a well I couldn't see one tiny glimmer of light….Besides thinking I’m nuts, what the HELL does this have to do with photography, you ask? EVERYTHING, I answer.If I weren’t a photog, I wouldn't have the wonderful, talented, sweet, and empathizing Jackie Palmer in my life; a strong woman, people, who's been in the dreaded and heavy Post-Partum Depression shoes I find myself in. Shoes so many of us are afraid to talk about or admit to wearing because we are afraid of the shame and judgment it brings.On average, experts believe around 15 percent off all women who give birth suffer from PPD, BUT, those are only the women who admit to experiencing it, there are another estimated five percent who deal with this debilitating disease but never seek help. That SUCKS. Because it SUCKS to have it, but to feel alone and unable to ask for help on top of it? UGH. We should NOT feel this way, so if you do, hit me up, I have your back!Here's where art imitates life, we bonded over her emotionally charged and powerful film about PPD, starring non-other than my (sweet, adorable) constantly fussy baby boy. The art of film is cathartic, having another creative to share with is healing, and her film was not only life imitating art, but art imitating life.https://www.facebook.com/jackie.palmer.142240/videos/10154620381634126/…And finally, there is that glimmer of light I've longed to catch sight of…If I wasn't a photog, I wouldn't have shot my gorgeous snow shoot, my first one since having the baby, the one that made me feel like MYYYYSEEEEELF again. Part of ‘Loving My Selfie’ is knowing I can create art and contribute to my family. To get the hell out of the house, BY MYSELF, and feel like I’m doing something besides changing diapers and making googly eyes all day. I need that. I crave it, and when I can't do it, it's easy for me to fall back down that well.If I weren’t a photog, I wouldn't have an amazing group of women to spill my guts to everyday who get what it's like to have kids, a hubs, and a business (or two) to run, grow and maintain. Women who, although are all over the country, support my extended butt and encourage me with gifs and emojis on a daily basis.Of course, even with the light getting brighter everyday, I still don't have my teeth brushed until 3 pm most days (don't judge me), there is vomit on almost every piece of clothing I own (or can at least fit into) and I can't remember the last time I shaved my legs. I would make the legendary Amazonian Women proud with the lack of razor to skin ratio happening.And once again we circle back to life imitating art and, finally, me finding a way to Love My Selfie again, post-baby body, fatigued baggy eyes, running around like a hot mess forgetting what the heck I even came in the room for, not enough sleep or time to create my art, selfie.It's hard, man, after having a baby, along with a toddler and hubby AND two small businesses to find time for anything because they all need me. I'm not complaining because these are choices I’ve made in my life (thank God for good choices!), just stating the facts. And you’ve all been there, or someday probably will be there.When I step back from the Picasso that is my life, it's so damn beautiful, tear-my-hair-out, crap strewn everywhere, and exhaustingly beautiful. All those crazy pieces that look misplaced are where they are supposed to be, albeit, scattered, they are colorful, full of love and they are mine.P.S. Here's A little treat for all my other Hot Mess Moms out there…I make this chick look like she’s got it all together!http://www.buzzfeed.com/chloezak/here-are-the-different-types-of-moms-you-meet#.pswvE4ZWA